Geraldo, you've got to be faster!
5/12/2005
Martinsburg, WV - Two young boys are missing!
All available law enforcement was engaged and took part in the search. Dozens of volunteers were organized into search parties. Local media outlets were contacted. Crews aboard several West Virgina Air National Guard C-130 airplanes were asked to help. A Maryland State Police helicopter also participated in the search!
Finally, after a couple of hours, search dogs picked up the scent! The unidentified boys, both about 5 years old, were found hiding under a bed in their grandmother's home. It seems they were playing "hide & seek".
BUT WAIT! CNN, FoxNews and MS/NBC are on their way! I know there has to be more of a story here!
Quick....let's call this "The Runaway Boys!"
Greta, you go interview the mayor. Encourage him to demand that the boys reimburse the taxpayers for all of the overtime your city employees had to be paid. If they have no money tell him about community service. These boys have to be held accountable!
Scarborough, you investigate the boys and their parents. Find out if they have been convicted of any crimes....maybe shoplifting!
Bill, you find out if their families are dysfunctional. Find out if they go to church. If these people are secularlists, by golly we won't let them keep these kids and ruin their values. Afterall, we are in a culture war!
Sean, find out if the liberal judicial system has let these poor boys down. If so, find out who the judge was. We'll have his job!
Larry, you start working on your story.....call it "2 boys under the bed, what were they really doing?"
Rush, I know you aren't on TV anymore but we can't find Geraldo. Can you look into the real dirt on these kids. Find out if they are getting any government entitlements.
Dr. Phil, surely there are some "issues" to be discussed here. Is this working for you?
There! That should, cover 24/7 "news" reporting for the first week. Next week we can see if there is any link between these boys and Chandra Levy's disappreance. Hey, aren't these little boys? I wonder if they have ever been to Neverland?
Geraldo, damnit where are you?
Martinsburg, WV - Two young boys are missing!
All available law enforcement was engaged and took part in the search. Dozens of volunteers were organized into search parties. Local media outlets were contacted. Crews aboard several West Virgina Air National Guard C-130 airplanes were asked to help. A Maryland State Police helicopter also participated in the search!
Finally, after a couple of hours, search dogs picked up the scent! The unidentified boys, both about 5 years old, were found hiding under a bed in their grandmother's home. It seems they were playing "hide & seek".
BUT WAIT! CNN, FoxNews and MS/NBC are on their way! I know there has to be more of a story here!
Quick....let's call this "The Runaway Boys!"
Greta, you go interview the mayor. Encourage him to demand that the boys reimburse the taxpayers for all of the overtime your city employees had to be paid. If they have no money tell him about community service. These boys have to be held accountable!
Scarborough, you investigate the boys and their parents. Find out if they have been convicted of any crimes....maybe shoplifting!
Bill, you find out if their families are dysfunctional. Find out if they go to church. If these people are secularlists, by golly we won't let them keep these kids and ruin their values. Afterall, we are in a culture war!
Sean, find out if the liberal judicial system has let these poor boys down. If so, find out who the judge was. We'll have his job!
Larry, you start working on your story.....call it "2 boys under the bed, what were they really doing?"
Rush, I know you aren't on TV anymore but we can't find Geraldo. Can you look into the real dirt on these kids. Find out if they are getting any government entitlements.
Dr. Phil, surely there are some "issues" to be discussed here. Is this working for you?
There! That should, cover 24/7 "news" reporting for the first week. Next week we can see if there is any link between these boys and Chandra Levy's disappreance. Hey, aren't these little boys? I wonder if they have ever been to Neverland?
Geraldo, damnit where are you?
posted by Rockwell Raccoon at 9:41 AM
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